Special Presentation
- By Evil Jim -
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NARRATOR
We last left our exciting story as a lone figure was hurled out of a gaping hole in the side of an airplane flying over an uncharted coastal region of South America. The fiery explosion had freed him of his evil terrorist captors, but only long enough to fall into the cold embrace of doom. Any ordinary man would surely have perished; but this was no man. This was Our Hero, archaeologist and explorer extraordinaire!
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JIM
AAAGHHH!! I knew I shouldn't have flown coach!
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NARRATOR
Join us once again as we continue with the tremendous adventures of:
OKLAHOMA JIM!
EPISODE VI
DODGERS II
"The Naughty Natives"
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NARRATOR
Yes, even now as he continues to plummet toward the dense jungle foliage miles below, Our Hero is thinking fast to hatch a plan. He searches his pockets . . .
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JIM
Aw, man! I lost my only comb.
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NARRATOR
But to no avail. And as he stares at the ground growing ever larger beneath him; closer, and closer, AND CLOSER! A sudden shard of hope shoots through him. Concentrating with all his might and with every last ounce of strength, he …
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BROADCASTER
We interrupt this broadcast to bring you an important bulletin from the Intercontinental Radio News: A UFO, an unidentified falling object, has been spotted over the Atlantic coast of South America. If you are in this region please, seek shelter immediately. We now return you to your regularly scheduled program already in progress.
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NARRATOR
. . . and stands up while casually brushing himself off.
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JIM
I can't believe I made it! I'll never be able to pull that off again, not in a million years.
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NARRATOR
But a million years is a long time, and as Our Hero silently contemplates this, he is momentarily out of touch with the present; the smell of life and the jungle around him
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(deep sniff).
The sound of the wind rustling the leaves high above
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(sound of the wind blowing softly)
But most importantly, the native creeping up behind him brandishing a large club.
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*Thud!*
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JIM
Ugh!
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NARRATOR
Our Hero later awakes to find himself tied to a stake at the center of a clearing in a village of primitive huts. He is approached by a rotund dark-skinned man who is obviously their leader.
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CHIEF
Bol deba *click-click. Pop!* Nee bas-doh?
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(beat)
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JIM
What?
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CHIEF
Oh, you speak English! Thank gods. My De'bas a bit rusty.
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JIM
So's your English. Who are you guys, anyway?
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CHIEF
I am Ja-bah, chief of Hol-was tribe.
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(beat)
My people.
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ENTIRE TRIBE
YO!
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(one late 'yo' and a shh!)
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JIM
Uh, yo. So, Chief, why have you tied me up here? I kinda had other plans.
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CHIEF
Our tribe in great danger. We pray to Gods for help, for guidance, for savior, but they send you instead.
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JIM
What kind of danger?
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CHIEF
God of mountain full of anger. He shake land and send rivers of fire to destroy life. God of water full of anger too and send waves to stop fire. But then, we equally screwed.
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JIM
So you think that by sacrificing me to your Gods you can stop an act of nature?
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CHIEF
Nah, that baloney's for the tourists. We just want to take someone with us.
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JIM
Lucky me.
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NARRATOR
And just as luck would have it, at that very moment the earth begins of shake.
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*Rumble*
The natives flee in terror.
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(shouts of natives fleeing in terror)
And Our Hero is left alone to ponder which will reach him first, the lava, or the tidal wave. He struggles to escape his immediate situation.
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JIM
Well hey, they just tied my shoelaces together.
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NARRATOR
And after a brief battle with the dreaded doubble-granney knot, he is ready to run. But which way? The mountains or the sea? The high road or the low road? The lady or the tiger? Coke or Pepsi? One lump or two? Definitely two. Too late, that is, for Our Hero who is now being swept away in the tidal wave caused by the devastating earthquake.
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JIM
Aaahhh! Nose plugs!
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*Blub*
My kingdom for nose plugs!
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NARRATOR
Jim fights the tidal current, trying to hold onto anything; a branch, a rock, a corpse, that could possibly save him. But the tumbling torrent of tumultuous water is too much for him! He is quickly carried away to parts unknown as the flood continues.
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JIM
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(gasp)
If I can stay above the surface
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*Blub*
I just might make it. This can't go on forever.
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NARRATOR
Our Hero is correct! For no sooner does he speak when he is washed over the edge of a colossal cliff. This would surely mean certain death had he not landed on a convenient ledge at the mouth of a deep dark cave.
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*Whump!*
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JIM
Oof!
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NARRATOR
After a moment he is able to stand and clear his thoughts. But muddled as they are, some time passes before he is able to collect himself. Once accomplished, he turns to face his newest predicament.
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JIM
What the!
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*Thud!*
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JIM
Ugh!
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NARRATOR
Who is dragging Our Hero into the depths of the dark cave? What will become of him? Will he survive long enough for sequels? How should I know? Find out all this and more in the next tremendous episode of:
THE ADVENTURES OF OKLAHOMA JIM!
Oklahoma Jim created by Matt Anderson & Evil Jim
Episode VI story by Evil Jim & Matt Anderson
All scripts written by Evil Jim
©1999 Evil Jim
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